Capitalism & Other Pimp Shit

Ice T once gave an interview where he compared capitalism to pimping. By his standard, you’re either a pimp or a hoe. At first, this sounds a bit extreme. I mean, pimping is violent, opportunistic, and abusive. True, but so is capitalism. Especially the current brand of vulture capitalism that’s practiced in the US.

Think about it. American capitalism is founded in the practice of slavery. I mean, if you want to talk about violent, abusive opportunists, let’s do it. I know what you’re thinking: That was a long time ago. But was it? When slavery was outlawed, sharecropping was invented. That was basically the same thing. Also, the 13th amendment basically stripped prisoners of all human rights. That’s right. Even to this day, prisoners are being used as slave labor. But that’s not all, America still employs slavery in other parts of the world. For example, your favorite chocolate company probably uses child slaves. Don’t believe me? Google it.

Beyond actual slavery, the current incarnation of capitalism employs other pimpish aspects. That whole mentality that you’re lucky just to have a job? Pimp logic. Think about it. When employers make you grateful just to be there, it gives them free reign to treat you any way they like. I’ve worked more than a couple of jobs like that. Interestingly enough, the more menial and low paying the job, the more likely they are to employ this tactic.

Another pimp topic is the false promise. How many of you have been on a job, doing your absolute best, and your employer promised you the stars, the moon, the sky if you kept it up, and when the time came to deliver, you ended up with a $20 gift card? I’ll admit it. It’s happened to me. Although it was worse for a friend and former co-worker. She was the general manager, and there had even been talk of her becoming part owner, and suddenly, they sold the store (and her along with it). The new owners made her lots of promises, and being a loyal employee, she dedicated herself to her job. She had to take some time off when her dad died, and as soon as she did, they cut her loose. That’s some pimp shit if I ever saw it. The same new owners promised me a big raise, and every time I tried to collect, they made an excuse and gave me extra vacation days instead. Then, in the middle of September, they told me all my days would expire at the end of the year. You better believe I cashed in every fucking one. When it finally came time to collect on my “big raise”, do you know what I got? 50 cents an hour. Now THAT is some SERIOUS pimp shit.

Another capitalist pimp game is using you and not compensating you for it. It happens all the time. A company will make you a salaried employee and then require 20 hours overtime per week. Pimp shit. They will work you to your wits’ end and then replace you with someone cheaper. Pimp shit. They will work you until you die, and have your position filled before your funeral. Pimp shit.

But we can’t talk pimp shit without addressing the biggest pimp of them all, Jeff Bezos. He is the richest man in the world, almost a trillionaire, and he still doesn’t give his employees paid sick leave. Some of his employees are even on welfare. Talk about pimp shit. I mean, if abusive, violent, opportunism had a face, this would be it. He is in fact, the ultimate pimp.

That said, let’s get a little clarity and perspective. A lot of y’all call yourselves capitalists, but you’re not. You’re just cogs in the capitalist machine, and when you run out, you will be replaced, and you won’t be missed. In pimp terms: You’re just a bottom bitch with delusions of grandeur.

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Aaron Scott

Aaron Scott

Actor, Singer, Writer, Comedian, Thrower of Shade and Mazel Tov Cocktails, Snatcher of Souls, Teller of Ugly Truths, Drinker of Beer, and Talker of Shit