So…White gays…we both knew this moment was coming. After all, we have spent the better part of a quarter century together, and for the majority of that time, I have kept my resentment to myself. That said, I’m kinda over you and your bullshit, and I really don’t want to give you any more of my energy. With all of that in mind, I have decided to give you a top ten list. This list also serves as a white gay to black gay dictionary, so you can understand what I hear when you say the bullshit that you always say. However, before we get started, there are a few things we need to clear up:
1. Don’t give me any “not all white gays” bullshit. You are the white men of the gay world. You’re the apex predator. Take the fucking note. If it applies, deal with it. If it doesn’t, ignore it. In our community, you have privilege. Don’t use it to be a bitch.
2. In that spirit, please understand that black people are not a monolith. I’m telling you what annoys me. Other black people might be annoyed by other things.
3. With that in mind, my list is not an exhaustive list. ANY POC is allowed to add to it. Your privilege is such that you very often think you have the right to treat people any way you choose, and you need to know that you do not actually possess that right.
Now that we have gotten all that out of the way, let’s have some fun.
1. “You don’t act black” There is no such thing as acting black. I can’t stress this enough. Too many of you mofos have come up to me, telling me how I don’t act black, or actually having the caucasity to call me an Oreo. Please understand that that is your racism in action. You have specific stereotypes of what a black man is, and when I don’t fit your stereotype, you say dumb shit like this. Yes, you too might be racist.
2. “I’m a black woman on the inside” You don’t have an inner black woman. Like the note before, that’s just your inner racist trying to get out. Stop saying that shit. Aside from being insulting and demeaning, it’s definitely not entertaining. Please understand that every ACTUAL black woman (and most likely every black man) that hears you spew this nonsense wants to disembowel you. You sound like an absolute asshole and a fool.
3. “I’m into black guys” This and that hopeful look on your face after you say it, like I’m supposed to give you a cookie, infuriates me to no end. You’re basically saying that you would condescend to be with me, and you expect me to be grateful. Please understand when I tell you to fuck all the way off and tell your mom I said so.
4. “I love black cock” Okay, I don’t even know where to begin with this one. Some of y’all actually think this is a substitute for “hello”, and that’s it’s own problem, but the fact that you think this is acceptable at all is toxic as fuck. This is your way of dehumanizing me. You have taken me from being a person to being a body part for you to fetishize, and it’s disgusting. You need to stop this shit ASAP, because it’s absolutely unacceptable.
5. “I know you’re black, but are you also…” Please understand that nothing good comes out of this line of questioning. This either means that I don’t fit your racist definition of black people, or you’re trying to fit me into whatever ethnic group that you fetishize. Either way, it’s an absolute turnoff for me. NEXT!
6. “No fats, no fems, no Asians, no blacks” This is the online equivalent of saying “I’m toxic as fuck, I hate myself, and my only recourse is to take it out on other people.” Honestly, if you even post a portion of this in your online profile, you are an awful human. Full stop.
7. “You’re so exotic” This is HUGE for me. I have actually had to have this conversation with friends here in Germany. PEOPLE are not exotic. Animals are exotic. Plants are exotic, but not people. I am me. I am me wherever I go. When I am in your area of the world, I am still me. I AM NOT EXOTIC. DO NOT DEHUMANIZE ME!!!!!!!
8. “It’s a preference, not a fetish” Okay, let’s talk about that. A lot of white men have this “preference”. Here’s my problem: A lot of times, that preference is also connected to a specific power dynamic that places the white man on top. Case in point: At one point, I had an entanglement (yeah, I used y’all’s new favorite word, and I hate you for it) with an older white gentleman. I was in my 40’s, and he was in his 50’s. I met him when he was in NYC for vacation. He lived in Florida. When I went to Florida for vacation, he wanted me to visit him, so I did. He had two 20-something black men that he had some sort of sexual relationship with, who slept on his floor. I didn’t learn the truth of this scenario until I actually arrived at his place. The first day, everything was cool. The second day, he spent a good deal of his time trying to get a refund for a tv and the rest of the day on the phone, dealing with work drama. When I had the audacity to call him on those two facts, he kicked me out in the middle of the night. As I spent the night at a Miami train station, I thought about the dangers of being black and telling a white man the truth, whether in a romantic situation or otherwise.
9. Let’s talk about black space versus white space. Imma be honest: Y’all are exhausting. We need a space to be away from you. You need a lot. Your egos take up way too much fucking space. Thankfully, there are some places in the world that are “our space”. The problem is that y’all start feeling your feelings about it. Case in point: On Christopher Street in NYC, there’s a white bar and a black bar across the street from each other. I have spent time in both. It’s quite intriguing. In the white bar, white people would ask me why I was there. They would make a lot of racist assumptions and they would also say things to me that were just awful. However, they would also bemoan the fact that they were not welcomed with open arms at the black bar. Luckily for me, I could get out of all that toxic bullshit and go to the black bar. The thing is that there were also white guys in the black bar. But we all knew why they were there. They were looking for a piece of sexual chocolate. They were looking for the fetish object that they wanted. They were slumming. Please understand that we need our places, and the reason is not about you…but it kinda is. When we have to deal with you, we have to be the “other”. We need time and space to just be ourselves. You and your ego need to be able to let us have that without having a shit fit.
10. Now you’re thinking, “Aaron, you hate white people”. But that isn’t the case. Here’s my thing: If you come to me with respect, I will respond in the same vein. If you don’t, well…You know who I am. I am respectful to everyone who is respectful to me. This transcends race. However, more often than not, the people that choose to be disrespectful, whether gay or straight, are white men. Our society tells them that they can behave however they want to, and people will take it. I’m here to tell you that I am not people. We can be cool, but that 100% depends on you. I only respond according to whatever you give me.
Now that we’ve gotten all that off our chests, I feel better. How about you?